Everyone is better than me at something, I guarantee

Mediocrity is paralyzing.  That combined with the fact that there really is nothing new under the sun (even Solomon was saying that all the way back in Ecclesiastes) really makes me pause and question the point of trying to learn something - or the point of doing anything, really.  I'm guessing I'm not the first person who's thought about this.

First, mediocrity.  I am a jack-of-all-trades.  However, I have not mastered even a one.  And really, I'm not even a jack-of-all-trades.  I'm more of an amateur of many select "trades" that I wish I had real talent in.  For instance, I've toyed with the idea of writing a book.  Then I remember, I have friends who are actually writing books and who are phenomenal writers to begin with.  I would love to sing professionally.  But oh wait, I have friends who do that, too.  And they have actually devoted time to learning how.  I've thought about acting, studying medicine, journalism, sports, cooking, event planning, dancing, designing, etc.  But I have friends who do all of those things professionally and with class.  I don't measure up.  It's not really that my friends can do these things well - I am actually super excited for them and can't wait to see how God will use and already has used them in their fields.  No, it's the fact that they were all motivated to pick one thing and stick to it for years and years and years.  I was not wise enough to do that.  I dabbled in things here and there, just picking up what I felt like.  I'm not one of those geniuses, though, who can pick something up in a day, become a pro, and then move onto the next thing.  Nope.  I am a true dabbler who becomes mediocre in many areas.  The list of things that I can do sounds impressive when I say it...but it's the skill level that is lacking.  Sure I can sing, but you wouldn't want to hire me for a wedding.  I can definitely play soccer, but I only developed the defensive skills to play on the right side of the field.  I can design a simple web site, but you would get bored after clicking on the one hyperlink that is slightly off-center in the middle of the page.  The result of this is that I have no idea what to pursue next.  Do I pick something that I've already done and work on that skill?  Or do I start something new, and become an amateur of yet another thing?

Second, there is literally nothing new under the sun.  The "new atheism"?  Nope, Paul dealt with that in Acts.  Postmodernism?  Not really - it was also seen in the early Roman Empire.  New book ideas?  New songs?  New moves?  No, no, no.  Now these might be cleverly packaged, or spun fresh, but it's not new.  The book might have different characters in a different setting, but the plot and storyline are eerily familiar.  The song might be mixed differently, but really it's this guitar riff plus that vocalization plus the other cello line.  This definitely isn't bad, it's just a fact.  In a way, I'm glad that this is the case, especially with things like philosophies.  It means that I don't have to come up with a new way to respond to it - I can simply look through history and choose accordingly.  On the other hand, though, when I think I'm being creative and then realize that what I'm doing is exactly what Joe Smith did fifty years ago in another random country, I get a little bummed out.

So what's the point?  (An excellent question.)  Well, these musings are all pointing to an overarching question that really drives my thought process - Just what is my purpose in life?  If my purpose was grounded in something that I've accomplished or something that I've come up with, obviously (based on my mediocrity) it would be split about 50 ways and randomly stuck in different piles of stuff that I call my life.  And the pieces wouldn't be grounded, they would be swimming about aimlessly.  That's a mess.  And not worth living for.

Fortunately, though, I'm not left to rely on myself for my sense of purpose.  Because Christ came to earth, died on the cross, and rose again for me, He has given me the only reason to live...which is to glorify Him and preach His name.  So in a sense, it doesn't matter what I'm good at or what I do, so long as it is done in a way that glorifies God and proclaims the gospel.  And included in God's ultimate purpose for me (which is for Him) is a carefully chosen plan that He has designed.  So not only do I know my purpose, but I also know that God is here, with me and showing me every step of the way.  And the reason I chose to follow God's purpose for me is because it is the only way that leads to eternal life.  (A lot more went into that decision, like the fact that I am a vile sinner, and the fact that only Jesus can wash away my sin, and the fact that...well, you get the picture.  But that is for a different story.)  The point is, I'm living for eternity, even in spite of my paltriness exhibited here on earth.  

That doesn't totally assuage the lack skill I feel in my life, or the aimlessness that sometimes bears upon me.  However, it does give me a hope for the time I am given.  I don't have anything better than anyone else.  In fact, I'm convinced that everybody has at least one thing, skill or otherwise, that is better that something that I have.  But I have Christ and an eternity with Him to look forward to, which is the driving force behind my life.              

I'm so 3000 and 8, you so 2000 and late

Apparently something dramatic happened in 2008, because that is when most of my friends in the blogging world stopped updating their blogs. And although I didn't know it at the time, I was simply following the trend. Today as I went through my links to friends' pages, I discovered that some of the links are not even working anymore (don't worry I got rid of those). Except for the faithful few, my tiny blogging world had become virtually obsolete. But with the addition of my sister to the blogosphere (check out Confluence), I decided that blogging should become a "thing" again. Therefore, I write to you, oh internet, and once again put my thoughts out for all to read. But, since I don't have any thoughts of my own at the moment, I thought I would share with you someone else's thoughts.

Lately I've been struck by the Puritans and their intense devotion to studying the Word of God. The book "The Valley of Vision" is a collection of their prayers that were the fruit of hours of studying and meditating on the Scripture. In a prayer titled Continual Repentance, the last stanza is a plea:

Grant me never to lose sight of

the exceeding sinfulness of sin,

the exceeding righteousness of salvation,

the exceeding glory of Christ,

the exceeding beauty of holiness,

the exceeding wonder of grace.

Yesterday, we had a women's conference at our church. One of the seminars I attended was about being a servant. This prayer is perfect because if it is answered (and it is by God's grace), then we have the ability to serve humbly and to the glory of God. One of the points of the seminar is that a servant knows who they are. This includes knowing the depth of sin/our standing before God, the glory of Christ, and really everything in between. Another point is that being a servant demands continual repentance. Finally, being a servant means following our ultimate example, Jesus Christ himself. Though I'm positive the Puritans were not perfect, they definitely had a much better grasp on this concept than I do.

Anyway, here is my comeback attempt. We'll see how long it lasts ;-)

My Utmost for His Highest

This remarkable book by Oswald Chambers is one that I highly recommend everyone to read. It is a day-by-day devotional that has everything to do with Christ, the Bible, and the Christian life.

The devo for January 31st is called "Do you see your calling?" Oswald writes, "And as long as our eyes are focused on our own personal holiness, we will never even get close to the full reality of redemption." The idea is that our calling is to proclaim the gospel of God. "The one all-important thing is that the gospel of God should be recognized as the abiding reality. Reality is not human goodness, or holiness, or heaven, or hell - it is redemption. [...] Christian workers fail because they place their desire for their own holiness above their desire to know God. [...] God cannot deliver me while my interest is merely in my own character."

Chambers uses Paul as an example of one who was unconcerned with his own life. "He was recklessly abandoned, totally surrendered, and separated by God for one purpose - to proclaim the gospel of God." We cannot be effective proclaimers if we are navel gazing and trying to make ourselves better. It is when we have given ourselves up to Christ that we can be gospel-proclaimers.

This doesn't mean we go to the other extreme and forget that we are sinners in need of a Savior. It simply means that we don't get bogged down in ourselves. By focusing outward on our Savior, we are better witnesses, both internally and externally. I was convicted by that. I compare myself a lot to other Christians who are more saintly than I am. I wish to achieve that holiness through myself rather than let Christ do His good work in me.

God Stuff

In chapel this week, the speaker challenged us to read through the first thirty Psalms and write down everything that they say about God. After the Psalms, he told us to go through John and then Ephesians. The idea is to get a better understanding of how great and awesome our God is. The speaker's point was that a lot of times we fret about a lot of stuff. However, we are told not to fret in Psalm 37. Fretting really stands in the way of delighting in God. By going through the Psalms, John, and Ephesians, we can really see that God is so so so much bigger than we can ever imagine. And because He is so much bigger, He is also so much 'wonderfuller' and better than anything. He has us in His hands. Thank God.

Here are just a few of the attributes of God that I found in Psalms:

Sustainer
Deliverer
Joy-giver
Righteous
Trustworthy
Does not take pleasure in evil
Merciful
Unfailing Love
Ruler
Shield
Praiseworthy
Majestic
Refuge
Salvation
Helper
Just
Protector
Flawless
Good
Satisfier
Rock
Fortress
Powerful
Faithful
Light
Perfect
Living
Exalted
Unfailing kindness
More precious than gold
Redeemer
Holy
King
Life-giver
Enthroned
Answers prayer
Shepherd
Guide

...

To name a few...

what an amazing God we serve!

Thanksgiving

Here are some things I'm thankful for. (And I really mean them)

My Almighty, Indescribable God
My amazing, loving Family
My incredible friends
The Bible
Green grass
Fall
Hot coffee
Rainy days
Soap
Sweet Pea
Cheese cake
Fast internet
Christmas
My birthday :-)
Poetry
My journal
the Ability to read
Purple pens
Cats
Flowers
MUSIC
The color blue
C. S. Lewis
Joy :-)


And a thousand other things....

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Epiphany

So I had an epiphany the other day. I was reading this book called "A Severe Mercy" by Sheldon Vanauken. In it, he talks about how he was standing by his old house, looking back over his life and contemplating all the people that have died: his wife, his parents, his pets, maybe some of his friends. He is looking back at them, though, with a bittersweet reflection. He is not looking back with anger and bitterness and regret.
I realized then that if I'm not joyful now, I won't ever be. Right now, if I was standing in that guy's place, I would have been angry. I would have been upset and seen my life as multiple blessings that were denied from me, instead of beautiful blessings that have been fulfilled. I would see the people that have passed as greater than God's perfect plan. I would have expected to be blessed on my terms, not on God's. I would have demanded a life without pain. However, a life without pain is also a life without joy.
I then realized that if my joy is not complete in Christ now, my joy will never be complete. If I'm always looking ahead to what I want, I will never be fulfilled. Then, when things dear to me in life are taken, I will inevitably be upset and angry, instead of thankful for something that I never deserved in the first place. My prayer is that I would learn Christ's joy now, so that it will permeate every aspect of my life. That way, I will be thankful and happy for what He blesses me with, and I will still be thankful and joyful for what He has decided to take away in His time. I will not be tossed by life, but I can rest in Christ's perfect love.

Christian Life

One more thing...I am reading this book called "Holy Sweat" by Tim Hansel. I did not really want to read it, but I have to for my class. I am pleasantly surprised...this book is amazing! No joke. I would definitely recommend it. It could change your life.

Here is an excerpt that Tim actually quoted from Madeleine L'Engle:

"In a very real sense not one of us is qualified, but it seems that God continually chooses the most unqualified to do His work, to bear His glory. If we are qualified, we tend to think that we have done the job ourselves. If we are forced to accept our evident lack of qualification, then there's no danger that we will confuse God's work with our own or God's glory with our own."

Just think about that for awhile.

This Is Primarily For My Family...:-)

We did another photo shoot....

"Woman at the Well"

So at RUF (Reformed University Fellowship) on Tuesday night, our campus minister preached on John 4 - the woman at the well. Coincidence? I think not. (Haha, just had to add that in there...) He added a new spin on this chapter that is definitely worth noting. Apparently in Biblical times, the well was the place to get "hooked up." That was where Jacob and Rachel met and, perhaps more poignantly, where Issac and Rebekah met. (Now, just as a quick clarification, I am not using this connotation in the meaning of my blog title.)
When Jesus met the woman at the well, there were three things against her that made her undesirable by anyone: One, she was a Samaritan; two, she was a woman; and three, she was a prostitute. The disciples couldn't understand why Jesus would single her out. However, it is in this very instance that we can get a picture of how Jesus is seeking out His church. He is not calling the rich and healthy and popular people to Him. He is calling the poor and wretched sinners. The woman was hated by many and despised by more, but Jesus singled her out and offered her life. So too does He single us out to become His beloved. I know that I am wretched and am not worthy of that life, but Jesus was pleased to offer it on our behalf. Now, when God looks at me, He doesn't see me, but His perfect Son. How cool is that!!
This is kind of a tangent, but knowing that all good in me is actually Christ and not myself has been a great way to mortify pride. :-) It's not so much look at all the great things I have done, but look at all the ways Christ has chosen to use me to glorify our Father.

This is a great song by Silers Bald called "Grace:"

My heart is so proud.
My eyes are so unfocused.
I see the things You've done through me
As great things I have done.
And now You gently break me.
I cry just like a baby.
You hold me as my Father,
And mold me as my Maker.

And I ask You
How many times will You pick me up.
When I keep on letting You down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory,
How far will forgiveness abound?
And You answer, "My child, I love you,
And as long as you're seeking My face,
You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient, grace."

 At times I may grow weak.
And feel a bit discouraged.
Knowing that someone somewhere
Can do a better job.
For who am I to serve You?
I know, I don't deserve You.
But that's the part, that burns in my heart,
And keeps me hanging on.

And You are so patient with me, Lord.

 As I walk with You, I'm learning
About what Your grace really means.
How all of my transgressions
Were paid at Calvary.
So instead of trying to repay You,
I'm learning to simply obey You.
By giving up my life to You
For all that You've given to me.

 "My daily sufficient grace."

Happy 4th

So usually, it is sweltering and sunny outside on the fourth. Currently, we are all inside with sweatshirts on and the AC off, watching the rain and wind come down. There probably won't even be fireworks tonight. As my grandmother so aptly put it, "This is ridiculous." And I have to agree (in the most optimistic sense). It is the middle of July, and even Vermont gets temperatures of 90+ degrees. So far we have had maybe two days that even touch 90 degrees. This will be an Independence Day (and perhaps a summer) to remember.