Monday, May 28, 2007

Greetings from the Underworld

Well, I think it's high time for an update...I've been stuck in an underworld know to most as "college." Oh don't get me wrong. It's great. There's just something about living in one place with the same people 24/7 for nine months of the year that is kinda odd. I mean, I can see living with a spouse or a family or house mates for a long time, but living with about 1000 people for that long is just a weird concept. Hmmm.....maybe I should back up a bit. It wasn't always this way...(haha, just kidding...)

I have cherished the friendships that God has blessed me with at my school, and I am so thankful that I have kind and loving friends who care and who I care for. Also, God has put exactly what I need into my life (both blessing and trials); nothing more, nothing less. My "hardships" are few and small comparatively, but when I am going through them, they are somewhat daunting. I know this doesn't all make sense (I'm kinda jumping around), but here are some of my thoughts about this past semester at school (hopefully they will explain what I am trying to articulate).

Spring semester is definitely the harder of the two...fall is just a blast with everyone getting to know each other, a lot of easy core classes, and new and entertaining activities and spirits. Spring semester, real personalities start coming out, classes get harder, activities get old, and people get tired. I feel liked I've aged immensely since Christmas, although I know that's not true; there's still so much lacking, especially in wisdom, grace, and sanctification.

This semester was hard for me socially because so many people came out of their "shell,"
whether consciously or unconsciously. It is believed that a person can hide his or herself for about six months before their facade starts to wear down. This is not necessarily a bad thing; as people get more comfortable with their surroundings, they usually become more comfortable with who they are. People start un-building their fortress that they've been hiding behind. I know for me, I almost never act like myself in a new place...it takes time and a certain familiarity for me to be able to open up and reveal who I am. My fortress a quiet demeanor, very calm with little to share. When I allow myself to get out of my fortress, I still air on the quiet side, but I am much more willing to speak, to laugh, to get excited, and to just be myself. Unfortunately, as the fortress starts wearing down, certain undesirable traits start to show through, too. I have to be careful here because I am not trying to be judgmental in the least. These are just some observations and reasons why my semester was hard. As people became more real, everyone became more open to hurt and reality than before. Not only do our fortresses hide us, but they also protect us. I don't get hurt unless my facade is gone and there is something there worth hurting.

*****

Well, it has been several days since I last wrote. I guess not practicing has actually affected my writing; it has not come as easily as before. Oh well. I shall prevail.

*****

As much disjointed as it may seem, I think the previous topic has been thought of and dwelt on enough. As you may suppose, I have been subject to such tearing-downs and releases of fortresses, and though it is an experience I could well forgo, I am positive that it offers no end of good outcomes. One of these goodnesses, lest we can doubt them, is a propensity and a need to more completely rely on my Savior. I have been ever thrust upon Jesus and have, sometimes unwilling, been drawn to Him time and again. He has proven to be my ultimate and now only fortress. He has also proven to be completely trustworthy, reliable, loving, comforting, and all things good...things that I have known of but only experienced in part.

Overall my year has been a success, if only because it caused me to come to a deeper and more beautiful relationship with Christ. I have understood grace in ways that I could not even dream of understanding, I have learned things about myself and others that I could not have known otherwise, and I am coming to the slow and painful realization that I really am nothing, but Christ is my all.

Kind of following this theme, I have also learned that I am a very unwilling sheep. I tug and tug wanting to go back to the dross when there is gold in sight. I simply refuse that my dross is inferior, and have to literally be shoved away from it. I learn, but slowly.

These have been some observations and some of what has been happening recently. Other than that I have a few things random things to share.

The other day, my brother (who is seven) and I were "oot and aboot" waiting for my sister to be done with her piano lesson. We stopped at Dunkin' Donuts and my brother kindly opened both doors for me as we went in. I thought nothing of it, since he sometimes gets notions in his head to do stuff like that. However, as we went back out to the car, he stood by the driver's door. I expected him to want to get in that way, since he likes to do that sometimes, too. But he didn't, he just stood there, and when I unlocked it he opened it and stood there waiting for me to get in. He asked if I was all set and then he closed the door. He ran around to the other side and got in. I was touched by this early display of chivalry, an old art that has lost its sweetness and attractiveness. Chivalry surfaces now and again, especially in the churches and in Christian homes, but it is also often scorned. (As a side note, I personally am of the opinion that chivalry is too often confused with chauvinism, even as good parenting may be confused with honoring a child's every wish, and so on). I am so thankful that my parents have striven to raise a boy in the way he should grow. He has been taught manners and is being taught how to treat ladies. I am also thankful for all the parents who value chivalry and modesty (for women). Although we may not see a vast revival of these "old time" traditions, I am absolutely convinced that there are a great many men and women who take it upon themselves to teach and be taught these values, and to pass them on as much as possible to the next generation. To see such things being taught in one's home is truly special in this world, and no doubt many of you can concur with your own experiences.

Well, I didn't mean for that to be a social commentary, and maybe I am reading way too much into things, but these are some of the ways my thoughts wandered from that incident.

I am sorry for such a long post. To those who read this, thank you. I really appreciate your interest in my rambles of a poor college student who can't even write a blog post in a decent amount of time for lack of "practice." :-)

Have a blessed week!!