In chapel this week, the speaker challenged us to read through the first thirty Psalms and write down everything that they say about God. After the Psalms, he told us to go through John and then Ephesians. The idea is to get a better understanding of how great and awesome our God is. The speaker's point was that a lot of times we fret about a lot of stuff. However, we are told not to fret in Psalm 37. Fretting really stands in the way of delighting in God. By going through the Psalms, John, and Ephesians, we can really see that God is so so so much bigger than we can ever imagine. And because He is so much bigger, He is also so much 'wonderfuller' and better than anything. He has us in His hands. Thank God.
Here are just a few of the attributes of God that I found in Psalms:
Sustainer
Deliverer
Joy-giver
Righteous
Trustworthy
Does not take pleasure in evil
Merciful
Unfailing Love
Ruler
Shield
Praiseworthy
Majestic
Refuge
Salvation
Helper
Just
Protector
Flawless
Good
Satisfier
Rock
Fortress
Powerful
Faithful
Light
Perfect
Living
Exalted
Unfailing kindness
More precious than gold
Redeemer
Holy
King
Life-giver
Enthroned
Answers prayer
Shepherd
Guide
...
To name a few...
what an amazing God we serve!
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Thanksgiving
Here are some things I'm thankful for. (And I really mean them)
My Almighty, Indescribable God
My amazing, loving Family
My incredible friends
The Bible
Green grass
Fall
Hot coffee
Rainy days
Soap
Sweet Pea
Cheese cake
Fast internet
Christmas
My birthday :-)
Poetry
My journal
the Ability to read
Purple pens
Cats
Flowers
MUSIC
The color blue
C. S. Lewis
Joy :-)
And a thousand other things....
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
My Almighty, Indescribable God
My amazing, loving Family
My incredible friends
The Bible
Green grass
Fall
Hot coffee
Rainy days
Soap
Sweet Pea
Cheese cake
Fast internet
Christmas
My birthday :-)
Poetry
My journal
the Ability to read
Purple pens
Cats
Flowers
MUSIC
The color blue
C. S. Lewis
Joy :-)
And a thousand other things....
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Epiphany
So I had an epiphany the other day. I was reading this book called "A Severe Mercy" by Sheldon Vanauken. In it, he talks about how he was standing by his old house, looking back over his life and contemplating all the people that have died: his wife, his parents, his pets, maybe some of his friends. He is looking back at them, though, with a bittersweet reflection. He is not looking back with anger and bitterness and regret.
I realized then that if I'm not joyful now, I won't ever be. Right now, if I was standing in that guy's place, I would have been angry. I would have been upset and seen my life as multiple blessings that were denied from me, instead of beautiful blessings that have been fulfilled. I would see the people that have passed as greater than God's perfect plan. I would have expected to be blessed on my terms, not on God's. I would have demanded a life without pain. However, a life without pain is also a life without joy.
I then realized that if my joy is not complete in Christ now, my joy will never be complete. If I'm always looking ahead to what I want, I will never be fulfilled. Then, when things dear to me in life are taken, I will inevitably be upset and angry, instead of thankful for something that I never deserved in the first place. My prayer is that I would learn Christ's joy now, so that it will permeate every aspect of my life. That way, I will be thankful and happy for what He blesses me with, and I will still be thankful and joyful for what He has decided to take away in His time. I will not be tossed by life, but I can rest in Christ's perfect love.
I realized then that if I'm not joyful now, I won't ever be. Right now, if I was standing in that guy's place, I would have been angry. I would have been upset and seen my life as multiple blessings that were denied from me, instead of beautiful blessings that have been fulfilled. I would see the people that have passed as greater than God's perfect plan. I would have expected to be blessed on my terms, not on God's. I would have demanded a life without pain. However, a life without pain is also a life without joy.
I then realized that if my joy is not complete in Christ now, my joy will never be complete. If I'm always looking ahead to what I want, I will never be fulfilled. Then, when things dear to me in life are taken, I will inevitably be upset and angry, instead of thankful for something that I never deserved in the first place. My prayer is that I would learn Christ's joy now, so that it will permeate every aspect of my life. That way, I will be thankful and happy for what He blesses me with, and I will still be thankful and joyful for what He has decided to take away in His time. I will not be tossed by life, but I can rest in Christ's perfect love.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Christian Life
One more thing...I am reading this book called "Holy Sweat" by Tim Hansel. I did not really want to read it, but I have to for my class. I am pleasantly surprised...this book is amazing! No joke. I would definitely recommend it. It could change your life.
Here is an excerpt that Tim actually quoted from Madeleine L'Engle:
"In a very real sense not one of us is qualified, but it seems that God continually chooses the most unqualified to do His work, to bear His glory. If we are qualified, we tend to think that we have done the job ourselves. If we are forced to accept our evident lack of qualification, then there's no danger that we will confuse God's work with our own or God's glory with our own."
Just think about that for awhile.
Here is an excerpt that Tim actually quoted from Madeleine L'Engle:
"In a very real sense not one of us is qualified, but it seems that God continually chooses the most unqualified to do His work, to bear His glory. If we are qualified, we tend to think that we have done the job ourselves. If we are forced to accept our evident lack of qualification, then there's no danger that we will confuse God's work with our own or God's glory with our own."
Just think about that for awhile.
"Woman at the Well"
So at RUF (Reformed University Fellowship) on Tuesday night, our campus minister preached on John 4 - the woman at the well. Coincidence? I think not. (Haha, just had to add that in there...) He added a new spin on this chapter that is definitely worth noting. Apparently in Biblical times, the well was the place to get "hooked up." That was where Jacob and Rachel met and, perhaps more poignantly, where Issac and Rebekah met. (Now, just as a quick clarification, I am not using this connotation in the meaning of my blog title.)
When Jesus met the woman at the well, there were three things against her that made her undesirable by anyone: One, she was a Samaritan; two, she was a woman; and three, she was a prostitute. The disciples couldn't understand why Jesus would single her out. However, it is in this very instance that we can get a picture of how Jesus is seeking out His church. He is not calling the rich and healthy and popular people to Him. He is calling the poor and wretched sinners. The woman was hated by many and despised by more, but Jesus singled her out and offered her life. So too does He single us out to become His beloved. I know that I am wretched and am not worthy of that life, but Jesus was pleased to offer it on our behalf. Now, when God looks at me, He doesn't see me, but His perfect Son. How cool is that!!
This is kind of a tangent, but knowing that all good in me is actually Christ and not myself has been a great way to mortify pride. :-) It's not so much look at all the great things I have done, but look at all the ways Christ has chosen to use me to glorify our Father.
This is a great song by Silers Bald called "Grace:"
When Jesus met the woman at the well, there were three things against her that made her undesirable by anyone: One, she was a Samaritan; two, she was a woman; and three, she was a prostitute. The disciples couldn't understand why Jesus would single her out. However, it is in this very instance that we can get a picture of how Jesus is seeking out His church. He is not calling the rich and healthy and popular people to Him. He is calling the poor and wretched sinners. The woman was hated by many and despised by more, but Jesus singled her out and offered her life. So too does He single us out to become His beloved. I know that I am wretched and am not worthy of that life, but Jesus was pleased to offer it on our behalf. Now, when God looks at me, He doesn't see me, but His perfect Son. How cool is that!!
This is kind of a tangent, but knowing that all good in me is actually Christ and not myself has been a great way to mortify pride. :-) It's not so much look at all the great things I have done, but look at all the ways Christ has chosen to use me to glorify our Father.
This is a great song by Silers Bald called "Grace:"
My heart is so proud.
My eyes are so unfocused.
I see the things You've done through me
As great things I have done.
And now You gently break me.
I cry just like a baby.
You hold me as my Father,
And mold me as my Maker.And I ask You
How many times will You pick me up.
When I keep on letting You down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory,
How far will forgiveness abound?
And You answer, "My child, I love you,
And as long as you're seeking My face,
You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient, grace." At times I may grow weak.
And feel a bit discouraged.
Knowing that someone somewhere
Can do a better job.
For who am I to serve You?
I know, I don't deserve You.
But that's the part, that burns in my heart,
And keeps me hanging on.And You are so patient with me, Lord. As I walk with You, I'm learning
About what Your grace really means.
How all of my transgressions
Were paid at Calvary .
So instead of trying to repay You,
I'm learning to simply obey You.
By giving up my life to You
For all that You've given to me. "My daily sufficient grace."Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Happy 4th
So usually, it is sweltering and sunny outside on the fourth. Currently, we are all inside with sweatshirts on and the AC off, watching the rain and wind come down. There probably won't even be fireworks tonight. As my grandmother so aptly put it, "This is ridiculous." And I have to agree (in the most optimistic sense). It is the middle of July, and even Vermont gets temperatures of 90+ degrees. So far we have had maybe two days that even touch 90 degrees. This will be an Independence Day (and perhaps a summer) to remember.
Friday, June 29, 2007
The Heavens Declare the Glory of the Lord
The sky was absolutely beautiful tonight. The moon was bright and full and the stars were visible. The air was crisp and pure and the temperature was just right for star gazing (but a little on the chilly side). I was reveling in the beauty and majesty of such a vast expanse of sky and couldn't help but to reflect on how it mirrors, in part, God's glory. I don't believe that there is a single person who could look at that sky and not even wonder Who is behind all of it. God reveals Himself through nature, and His sky is one of the more majestic sights we are blessed with.
On a totally different note, I've been reading Elizabeth Gaskell's book "North and South," and one of the quotes she uses at the beginning of a chapter is this:
"Learn to win a lady's faith
Nobly as the thing is high;
Bravely, as for life and death -
With a loyal gravity.
Lead her from the festive boards,
Point her to the starry skies,
Guard her, by your truthful words,
Pure from courtship's flatteries."
These lines are taken from a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. I kind of have to laugh at the poem to an extent, but in reality, I know that I want to be treated nobly and truthfully, and in short I would want a man to guard and protect me because he knows that I'm worth it. I thought this was interesting because it was written awhile ago. Today's roles for men and women are kind of screwed up, but I know that there are many young ladies who would like to have men take the lead in both a relationship and in the purity and veracity of that relationship. Fortunately, I believe that there are also those men who are willing to take that role.
Finally, here is a song that really reminds me that this life is passing. For all the mistakes and embarrassments and every thing else that happens in life, I know that they will all be gone in a little while.
"We are a moment, You are forever,
Lord of the ages, God before time;
We are a vapor, You are eternal,
Love everlasting, reigning on high.
Holy, holy Lord God Almighty, worthy is the Lamb Who was slain;
Highest praises honor and glory be unto Your name.
We are the broken, You are the healer,
Jesus, Redeemer, mighty to save;
You are the love song we'll sing forever,
bowing before You, blessing Your name."
Lynn DeShazo and Gary Sadler
"Be Unto Your name"
On a totally different note, I've been reading Elizabeth Gaskell's book "North and South," and one of the quotes she uses at the beginning of a chapter is this:
"Learn to win a lady's faith
Nobly as the thing is high;
Bravely, as for life and death -
With a loyal gravity.
Lead her from the festive boards,
Point her to the starry skies,
Guard her, by your truthful words,
Pure from courtship's flatteries."
These lines are taken from a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. I kind of have to laugh at the poem to an extent, but in reality, I know that I want to be treated nobly and truthfully, and in short I would want a man to guard and protect me because he knows that I'm worth it. I thought this was interesting because it was written awhile ago. Today's roles for men and women are kind of screwed up, but I know that there are many young ladies who would like to have men take the lead in both a relationship and in the purity and veracity of that relationship. Fortunately, I believe that there are also those men who are willing to take that role.
Finally, here is a song that really reminds me that this life is passing. For all the mistakes and embarrassments and every thing else that happens in life, I know that they will all be gone in a little while.
"We are a moment, You are forever,
Lord of the ages, God before time;
We are a vapor, You are eternal,
Love everlasting, reigning on high.
Holy, holy Lord God Almighty, worthy is the Lamb Who was slain;
Highest praises honor and glory be unto Your name.
We are the broken, You are the healer,
Jesus, Redeemer, mighty to save;
You are the love song we'll sing forever,
bowing before You, blessing Your name."
Lynn DeShazo and Gary Sadler
"Be Unto Your name"
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Haha
I just read over some of my post entitled "Greetings from the Underworld." You can totally tell that I had just been reading some Jane Austen. Some of the language and style that I employ are hilarious. (I thought it was funny...)
Monday, June 18, 2007
Ahhh...
Well, I started my job today (finally). And I just have to say that I am exhausted. I am working with kids, and they are all either super hyperactive or super stubborn, or both. I really think that I enjoy it, but I just have some trouble with kids who don't listen. Oh well. I am so sore. My feet and ankles have never hurt this much before (except when they were sprained...). Bed calls softly.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Growth, or Lack Thereof
There have been a lot of things that I've grown out of with age. For instance, I have grown out of diapers, shoes and the first grade. Um, I've also grown out of some of the petty childishness that most children are afflicted with: acute (unconscious) selfishness, needless arguments (or what I deem needless...), and an unwillingness to do what is asked/required of me, for example. It has come to my attention, though, that two things in particular I have not had the grace to grow out of, and I am not hopeful in that I don't think these things will ever be satisfactorily resolved, not in this life at least (Oh the glorious beauty of heaven, made sure by the glorious misery of the cross!). These two things are a foolishness and a deep-rooted pride.
One might notice the pride right away, but the foolishness is much more cleverly hidden (at least so I think...:-P). I do have this one consolation, though, in light of these sins or shortcomings: I can be absolutely assured of having my pride mortified everyday through some foolishness or another. And though others might not be able to see it so well, I am most acutely aware of my folly, and therefore am most convicted by it. (Although it is probably my pride which strives most to hide my foolishness.)
Some may wonder what, exactly, I mean by foolish. In my case, I believe my foolishness stems from a more conscious selfishness, a wrong desire to be noticed (and how that works I do not know), and perhaps a false sense of humility. My cover is a quiet nature which does not offer much in way of words, for fear of being found out. I need prayer that I would delve deeper and deeper into God's word and that I would be continually repentant. I would also pray for results that include a more cheerful and helpful disposition, and a much more pliable attitude. I have always been stubborn; I am certainly stubborn to change in my heart as well. It is so hard for me to give up a sin, but once I do, I am so much happier and so much closer to God. I spend much time mortifying a sin, only to allow it to crop up in another area of my life. My mind is willing, but my spirit is weak...or my mind is not very willing at all, so my spirit is virtually non-existent. This is a bit of an exaggeration, because I dearly love my Savior Jesus Christ and long to conform closely to His image. It is just something that I cannot do as naturally as some. I do not pretend, either, to assume that complete submission to Jesus is natural for anyone; I merely observe, in my everyday life, that some people have a happy spirit that relinquishes their sin very readily.
Well, I have managed to ramble on a lot again. These are just the beginnings of a thought process that I have been going through, and I am confident that the Lord will use all of this to help me grow more and more in His grace and to become more and more like Him.
"'Cheerfully and gratefully I lay myself and all I am or own at the feet of Him who redeemed me with His precious blood, engaging to follow Him, bearing the cross He lays upon me.' This is the least I can do, and I do it while my heart lies broken and bleeding at His feet."
This is an excerpt from Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss. Though my situations are not like the main character's, I still feel, to an extent, what she was feeling at this point, and my desires are the same: to cheerfully and gratefully lay myself down at the foot of the cross, giving up everything that I hold to my self, and letting Christ take my whole entire life for eternity.
And to close, here are the words of a beautiful Psalm, that actually remind me that obeying/submitting to the Lord hardly feels like obedience because His words and commands actually illuminate our life and give us joy and all good things unimaginable.
Psalm 19:7-11
"The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul.
The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple.
The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes.
The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever.
The ordinances of the Lord are sure, and altogether righteous.
They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb.
By them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward."
(italics added)
One might notice the pride right away, but the foolishness is much more cleverly hidden (at least so I think...:-P). I do have this one consolation, though, in light of these sins or shortcomings: I can be absolutely assured of having my pride mortified everyday through some foolishness or another. And though others might not be able to see it so well, I am most acutely aware of my folly, and therefore am most convicted by it. (Although it is probably my pride which strives most to hide my foolishness.)
Some may wonder what, exactly, I mean by foolish. In my case, I believe my foolishness stems from a more conscious selfishness, a wrong desire to be noticed (and how that works I do not know), and perhaps a false sense of humility. My cover is a quiet nature which does not offer much in way of words, for fear of being found out. I need prayer that I would delve deeper and deeper into God's word and that I would be continually repentant. I would also pray for results that include a more cheerful and helpful disposition, and a much more pliable attitude. I have always been stubborn; I am certainly stubborn to change in my heart as well. It is so hard for me to give up a sin, but once I do, I am so much happier and so much closer to God. I spend much time mortifying a sin, only to allow it to crop up in another area of my life. My mind is willing, but my spirit is weak...or my mind is not very willing at all, so my spirit is virtually non-existent. This is a bit of an exaggeration, because I dearly love my Savior Jesus Christ and long to conform closely to His image. It is just something that I cannot do as naturally as some. I do not pretend, either, to assume that complete submission to Jesus is natural for anyone; I merely observe, in my everyday life, that some people have a happy spirit that relinquishes their sin very readily.
Well, I have managed to ramble on a lot again. These are just the beginnings of a thought process that I have been going through, and I am confident that the Lord will use all of this to help me grow more and more in His grace and to become more and more like Him.
"'Cheerfully and gratefully I lay myself and all I am or own at the feet of Him who redeemed me with His precious blood, engaging to follow Him, bearing the cross He lays upon me.' This is the least I can do, and I do it while my heart lies broken and bleeding at His feet."
This is an excerpt from Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss. Though my situations are not like the main character's, I still feel, to an extent, what she was feeling at this point, and my desires are the same: to cheerfully and gratefully lay myself down at the foot of the cross, giving up everything that I hold to my self, and letting Christ take my whole entire life for eternity.
And to close, here are the words of a beautiful Psalm, that actually remind me that obeying/submitting to the Lord hardly feels like obedience because His words and commands actually illuminate our life and give us joy and all good things unimaginable.
Psalm 19:7-11
"The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul.
The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple.
The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes.
The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever.
The ordinances of the Lord are sure, and altogether righteous.
They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb.
By them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward."
(italics added)
Monday, May 28, 2007
Greetings from the Underworld
Well, I think it's high time for an update...I've been stuck in an underworld know to most as "college." Oh don't get me wrong. It's great. There's just something about living in one place with the same people 24/7 for nine months of the year that is kinda odd. I mean, I can see living with a spouse or a family or house mates for a long time, but living with about 1000 people for that long is just a weird concept. Hmmm.....maybe I should back up a bit. It wasn't always this way...(haha, just kidding...)
I have cherished the friendships that God has blessed me with at my school, and I am so thankful that I have kind and loving friends who care and who I care for. Also, God has put exactly what I need into my life (both blessing and trials); nothing more, nothing less. My "hardships" are few and small comparatively, but when I am going through them, they are somewhat daunting. I know this doesn't all make sense (I'm kinda jumping around), but here are some of my thoughts about this past semester at school (hopefully they will explain what I am trying to articulate).
Spring semester is definitely the harder of the two...fall is just a blast with everyone getting to know each other, a lot of easy core classes, and new and entertaining activities and spirits. Spring semester, real personalities start coming out, classes get harder, activities get old, and people get tired. I feel liked I've aged immensely since Christmas, although I know that's not true; there's still so much lacking, especially in wisdom, grace, and sanctification.
This semester was hard for me socially because so many people came out of their "shell,"
whether consciously or unconsciously. It is believed that a person can hide his or herself for about six months before their facade starts to wear down. This is not necessarily a bad thing; as people get more comfortable with their surroundings, they usually become more comfortable with who they are. People start un-building their fortress that they've been hiding behind. I know for me, I almost never act like myself in a new place...it takes time and a certain familiarity for me to be able to open up and reveal who I am. My fortress a quiet demeanor, very calm with little to share. When I allow myself to get out of my fortress, I still air on the quiet side, but I am much more willing to speak, to laugh, to get excited, and to just be myself. Unfortunately, as the fortress starts wearing down, certain undesirable traits start to show through, too. I have to be careful here because I am not trying to be judgmental in the least. These are just some observations and reasons why my semester was hard. As people became more real, everyone became more open to hurt and reality than before. Not only do our fortresses hide us, but they also protect us. I don't get hurt unless my facade is gone and there is something there worth hurting.
*****
Well, it has been several days since I last wrote. I guess not practicing has actually affected my writing; it has not come as easily as before. Oh well. I shall prevail.
*****
As much disjointed as it may seem, I think the previous topic has been thought of and dwelt on enough. As you may suppose, I have been subject to such tearing-downs and releases of fortresses, and though it is an experience I could well forgo, I am positive that it offers no end of good outcomes. One of these goodnesses, lest we can doubt them, is a propensity and a need to more completely rely on my Savior. I have been ever thrust upon Jesus and have, sometimes unwilling, been drawn to Him time and again. He has proven to be my ultimate and now only fortress. He has also proven to be completely trustworthy, reliable, loving, comforting, and all things good...things that I have known of but only experienced in part.
Overall my year has been a success, if only because it caused me to come to a deeper and more beautiful relationship with Christ. I have understood grace in ways that I could not even dream of understanding, I have learned things about myself and others that I could not have known otherwise, and I am coming to the slow and painful realization that I really am nothing, but Christ is my all.
Kind of following this theme, I have also learned that I am a very unwilling sheep. I tug and tug wanting to go back to the dross when there is gold in sight. I simply refuse that my dross is inferior, and have to literally be shoved away from it. I learn, but slowly.
These have been some observations and some of what has been happening recently. Other than that I have a few things random things to share.
The other day, my brother (who is seven) and I were "oot and aboot" waiting for my sister to be done with her piano lesson. We stopped at Dunkin' Donuts and my brother kindly opened both doors for me as we went in. I thought nothing of it, since he sometimes gets notions in his head to do stuff like that. However, as we went back out to the car, he stood by the driver's door. I expected him to want to get in that way, since he likes to do that sometimes, too. But he didn't, he just stood there, and when I unlocked it he opened it and stood there waiting for me to get in. He asked if I was all set and then he closed the door. He ran around to the other side and got in. I was touched by this early display of chivalry, an old art that has lost its sweetness and attractiveness. Chivalry surfaces now and again, especially in the churches and in Christian homes, but it is also often scorned. (As a side note, I personally am of the opinion that chivalry is too often confused with chauvinism, even as good parenting may be confused with honoring a child's every wish, and so on). I am so thankful that my parents have striven to raise a boy in the way he should grow. He has been taught manners and is being taught how to treat ladies. I am also thankful for all the parents who value chivalry and modesty (for women). Although we may not see a vast revival of these "old time" traditions, I am absolutely convinced that there are a great many men and women who take it upon themselves to teach and be taught these values, and to pass them on as much as possible to the next generation. To see such things being taught in one's home is truly special in this world, and no doubt many of you can concur with your own experiences.
Well, I didn't mean for that to be a social commentary, and maybe I am reading way too much into things, but these are some of the ways my thoughts wandered from that incident.
I am sorry for such a long post. To those who read this, thank you. I really appreciate your interest in my rambles of a poor college student who can't even write a blog post in a decent amount of time for lack of "practice." :-)
Have a blessed week!!
I have cherished the friendships that God has blessed me with at my school, and I am so thankful that I have kind and loving friends who care and who I care for. Also, God has put exactly what I need into my life (both blessing and trials); nothing more, nothing less. My "hardships" are few and small comparatively, but when I am going through them, they are somewhat daunting. I know this doesn't all make sense (I'm kinda jumping around), but here are some of my thoughts about this past semester at school (hopefully they will explain what I am trying to articulate).
Spring semester is definitely the harder of the two...fall is just a blast with everyone getting to know each other, a lot of easy core classes, and new and entertaining activities and spirits. Spring semester, real personalities start coming out, classes get harder, activities get old, and people get tired. I feel liked I've aged immensely since Christmas, although I know that's not true; there's still so much lacking, especially in wisdom, grace, and sanctification.
This semester was hard for me socially because so many people came out of their "shell,"
whether consciously or unconsciously. It is believed that a person can hide his or herself for about six months before their facade starts to wear down. This is not necessarily a bad thing; as people get more comfortable with their surroundings, they usually become more comfortable with who they are. People start un-building their fortress that they've been hiding behind. I know for me, I almost never act like myself in a new place...it takes time and a certain familiarity for me to be able to open up and reveal who I am. My fortress a quiet demeanor, very calm with little to share. When I allow myself to get out of my fortress, I still air on the quiet side, but I am much more willing to speak, to laugh, to get excited, and to just be myself. Unfortunately, as the fortress starts wearing down, certain undesirable traits start to show through, too. I have to be careful here because I am not trying to be judgmental in the least. These are just some observations and reasons why my semester was hard. As people became more real, everyone became more open to hurt and reality than before. Not only do our fortresses hide us, but they also protect us. I don't get hurt unless my facade is gone and there is something there worth hurting.
*****
Well, it has been several days since I last wrote. I guess not practicing has actually affected my writing; it has not come as easily as before. Oh well. I shall prevail.
*****
As much disjointed as it may seem, I think the previous topic has been thought of and dwelt on enough. As you may suppose, I have been subject to such tearing-downs and releases of fortresses, and though it is an experience I could well forgo, I am positive that it offers no end of good outcomes. One of these goodnesses, lest we can doubt them, is a propensity and a need to more completely rely on my Savior. I have been ever thrust upon Jesus and have, sometimes unwilling, been drawn to Him time and again. He has proven to be my ultimate and now only fortress. He has also proven to be completely trustworthy, reliable, loving, comforting, and all things good...things that I have known of but only experienced in part.
Overall my year has been a success, if only because it caused me to come to a deeper and more beautiful relationship with Christ. I have understood grace in ways that I could not even dream of understanding, I have learned things about myself and others that I could not have known otherwise, and I am coming to the slow and painful realization that I really am nothing, but Christ is my all.
Kind of following this theme, I have also learned that I am a very unwilling sheep. I tug and tug wanting to go back to the dross when there is gold in sight. I simply refuse that my dross is inferior, and have to literally be shoved away from it. I learn, but slowly.
These have been some observations and some of what has been happening recently. Other than that I have a few things random things to share.
The other day, my brother (who is seven) and I were "oot and aboot" waiting for my sister to be done with her piano lesson. We stopped at Dunkin' Donuts and my brother kindly opened both doors for me as we went in. I thought nothing of it, since he sometimes gets notions in his head to do stuff like that. However, as we went back out to the car, he stood by the driver's door. I expected him to want to get in that way, since he likes to do that sometimes, too. But he didn't, he just stood there, and when I unlocked it he opened it and stood there waiting for me to get in. He asked if I was all set and then he closed the door. He ran around to the other side and got in. I was touched by this early display of chivalry, an old art that has lost its sweetness and attractiveness. Chivalry surfaces now and again, especially in the churches and in Christian homes, but it is also often scorned. (As a side note, I personally am of the opinion that chivalry is too often confused with chauvinism, even as good parenting may be confused with honoring a child's every wish, and so on). I am so thankful that my parents have striven to raise a boy in the way he should grow. He has been taught manners and is being taught how to treat ladies. I am also thankful for all the parents who value chivalry and modesty (for women). Although we may not see a vast revival of these "old time" traditions, I am absolutely convinced that there are a great many men and women who take it upon themselves to teach and be taught these values, and to pass them on as much as possible to the next generation. To see such things being taught in one's home is truly special in this world, and no doubt many of you can concur with your own experiences.
Well, I didn't mean for that to be a social commentary, and maybe I am reading way too much into things, but these are some of the ways my thoughts wandered from that incident.
I am sorry for such a long post. To those who read this, thank you. I really appreciate your interest in my rambles of a poor college student who can't even write a blog post in a decent amount of time for lack of "practice." :-)
Have a blessed week!!
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