Epiphany

So I had an epiphany the other day. I was reading this book called "A Severe Mercy" by Sheldon Vanauken. In it, he talks about how he was standing by his old house, looking back over his life and contemplating all the people that have died: his wife, his parents, his pets, maybe some of his friends. He is looking back at them, though, with a bittersweet reflection. He is not looking back with anger and bitterness and regret.
I realized then that if I'm not joyful now, I won't ever be. Right now, if I was standing in that guy's place, I would have been angry. I would have been upset and seen my life as multiple blessings that were denied from me, instead of beautiful blessings that have been fulfilled. I would see the people that have passed as greater than God's perfect plan. I would have expected to be blessed on my terms, not on God's. I would have demanded a life without pain. However, a life without pain is also a life without joy.
I then realized that if my joy is not complete in Christ now, my joy will never be complete. If I'm always looking ahead to what I want, I will never be fulfilled. Then, when things dear to me in life are taken, I will inevitably be upset and angry, instead of thankful for something that I never deserved in the first place. My prayer is that I would learn Christ's joy now, so that it will permeate every aspect of my life. That way, I will be thankful and happy for what He blesses me with, and I will still be thankful and joyful for what He has decided to take away in His time. I will not be tossed by life, but I can rest in Christ's perfect love.