Happy 4th

So usually, it is sweltering and sunny outside on the fourth. Currently, we are all inside with sweatshirts on and the AC off, watching the rain and wind come down. There probably won't even be fireworks tonight. As my grandmother so aptly put it, "This is ridiculous." And I have to agree (in the most optimistic sense). It is the middle of July, and even Vermont gets temperatures of 90+ degrees. So far we have had maybe two days that even touch 90 degrees. This will be an Independence Day (and perhaps a summer) to remember.

The Heavens Declare the Glory of the Lord

The sky was absolutely beautiful tonight. The moon was bright and full and the stars were visible. The air was crisp and pure and the temperature was just right for star gazing (but a little on the chilly side). I was reveling in the beauty and majesty of such a vast expanse of sky and couldn't help but to reflect on how it mirrors, in part, God's glory. I don't believe that there is a single person who could look at that sky and not even wonder Who is behind all of it. God reveals Himself through nature, and His sky is one of the more majestic sights we are blessed with.


On a totally different note, I've been reading Elizabeth Gaskell's book "North and South," and one of the quotes she uses at the beginning of a chapter is this:

"Learn to win a lady's faith
Nobly as the thing is high;
Bravely, as for life and death -
With a loyal gravity.

Lead her from the festive boards,
Point her to the starry skies,
Guard her, by your truthful words,
Pure from courtship's flatteries."

These lines are taken from a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. I kind of have to laugh at the poem to an extent, but in reality, I know that I want to be treated nobly and truthfully, and in short I would want a man to guard and protect me because he knows that I'm worth it. I thought this was interesting because it was written awhile ago. Today's roles for men and women are kind of screwed up, but I know that there are many young ladies who would like to have men take the lead in both a relationship and in the purity and veracity of that relationship. Fortunately, I believe that there are also those men who are willing to take that role.


Finally, here is a song that really reminds me that this life is passing. For all the mistakes and embarrassments and every thing else that happens in life, I know that they will all be gone in a little while.

"We are a moment, You are forever,
Lord of the ages, God before time;
We are a vapor, You are eternal,
Love everlasting, reigning on high.

Holy, holy Lord God Almighty, worthy is the Lamb Who was slain;
Highest praises honor and glory be unto Your name.

We are the broken, You are the healer,
Jesus, Redeemer, mighty to save;
You are the love song we'll sing forever,
bowing before You, blessing Your name."

Lynn DeShazo and Gary Sadler
"Be Unto Your name"

Haha

I just read over some of my post entitled "Greetings from the Underworld." You can totally tell that I had just been reading some Jane Austen. Some of the language and style that I employ are hilarious. (I thought it was funny...)

Ahhh...

Well, I started my job today (finally). And I just have to say that I am exhausted. I am working with kids, and they are all either super hyperactive or super stubborn, or both. I really think that I enjoy it, but I just have some trouble with kids who don't listen. Oh well. I am so sore. My feet and ankles have never hurt this much before (except when they were sprained...). Bed calls softly.

Growth, or Lack Thereof

There have been a lot of things that I've grown out of with age. For instance, I have grown out of diapers, shoes and the first grade. Um, I've also grown out of some of the petty childishness that most children are afflicted with: acute (unconscious) selfishness, needless arguments (or what I deem needless...), and an unwillingness to do what is asked/required of me, for example. It has come to my attention, though, that two things in particular I have not had the grace to grow out of, and I am not hopeful in that I don't think these things will ever be satisfactorily resolved, not in this life at least (Oh the glorious beauty of heaven, made sure by the glorious misery of the cross!). These two things are a foolishness and a deep-rooted pride.

One might notice the pride right away, but the foolishness is much more cleverly hidden (at least so I think...:-P). I do have this one consolation, though, in light of these sins or shortcomings: I can be absolutely assured of having my pride mortified everyday through some foolishness or another. And though others might not be able to see it so well, I am most acutely aware of my folly, and therefore am most convicted by it. (Although it is probably my pride which strives most to hide my foolishness.)

Some may wonder what, exactly, I mean by foolish. In my case, I believe my foolishness stems from a more conscious selfishness, a wrong desire to be noticed (and how that works I do not know), and perhaps a false sense of humility. My cover is a quiet nature which does not offer much in way of words, for fear of being found out. I need prayer that I would delve deeper and deeper into God's word and that I would be continually repentant. I would also pray for results that include a more cheerful and helpful disposition, and a much more pliable attitude. I have always been stubborn; I am certainly stubborn to change in my heart as well. It is so hard for me to give up a sin, but once I do, I am so much happier and so much closer to God. I spend much time mortifying a sin, only to allow it to crop up in another area of my life. My mind is willing, but my spirit is weak...or my mind is not very willing at all, so my spirit is virtually non-existent. This is a bit of an exaggeration, because I dearly love my Savior Jesus Christ and long to conform closely to His image. It is just something that I cannot do as naturally as some. I do not pretend, either, to assume that complete submission to Jesus is natural for anyone; I merely observe, in my everyday life, that some people have a happy spirit that relinquishes their sin very readily.

Well, I have managed to ramble on a lot again. These are just the beginnings of a thought process that I have been going through, and I am confident that the Lord will use all of this to help me grow more and more in His grace and to become more and more like Him.

"'Cheerfully and gratefully I lay myself and all I am or own at the feet of Him who redeemed me with His precious blood, engaging to follow Him, bearing the cross He lays upon me.' This is the least I can do, and I do it while my heart lies broken and bleeding at His feet."

This is an excerpt from Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss. Though my situations are not like the main character's, I still feel, to an extent, what she was feeling at this point, and my desires are the same: to cheerfully and gratefully lay myself down at the foot of the cross, giving up everything that I hold to my self, and letting Christ take my whole entire life for eternity.

And to close, here are the words of a beautiful Psalm, that actually remind me that obeying/submitting to the Lord hardly feels like obedience because His words and commands actually illuminate our life and give us joy and all good things unimaginable.

Psalm 19:7-11
"The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul.
The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple.
The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes.
The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever.
The ordinances of the Lord are sure, and altogether righteous.
They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb.
By them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward."

(italics added)

Greetings from the Underworld

Well, I think it's high time for an update...I've been stuck in an underworld know to most as "college." Oh don't get me wrong. It's great. There's just something about living in one place with the same people 24/7 for nine months of the year that is kinda odd. I mean, I can see living with a spouse or a family or house mates for a long time, but living with about 1000 people for that long is just a weird concept. Hmmm.....maybe I should back up a bit. It wasn't always this way...(haha, just kidding...)

I have cherished the friendships that God has blessed me with at my school, and I am so thankful that I have kind and loving friends who care and who I care for. Also, God has put exactly what I need into my life (both blessing and trials); nothing more, nothing less. My "hardships" are few and small comparatively, but when I am going through them, they are somewhat daunting. I know this doesn't all make sense (I'm kinda jumping around), but here are some of my thoughts about this past semester at school (hopefully they will explain what I am trying to articulate).

Spring semester is definitely the harder of the two...fall is just a blast with everyone getting to know each other, a lot of easy core classes, and new and entertaining activities and spirits. Spring semester, real personalities start coming out, classes get harder, activities get old, and people get tired. I feel liked I've aged immensely since Christmas, although I know that's not true; there's still so much lacking, especially in wisdom, grace, and sanctification.

This semester was hard for me socially because so many people came out of their "shell,"
whether consciously or unconsciously. It is believed that a person can hide his or herself for about six months before their facade starts to wear down. This is not necessarily a bad thing; as people get more comfortable with their surroundings, they usually become more comfortable with who they are. People start un-building their fortress that they've been hiding behind. I know for me, I almost never act like myself in a new place...it takes time and a certain familiarity for me to be able to open up and reveal who I am. My fortress a quiet demeanor, very calm with little to share. When I allow myself to get out of my fortress, I still air on the quiet side, but I am much more willing to speak, to laugh, to get excited, and to just be myself. Unfortunately, as the fortress starts wearing down, certain undesirable traits start to show through, too. I have to be careful here because I am not trying to be judgmental in the least. These are just some observations and reasons why my semester was hard. As people became more real, everyone became more open to hurt and reality than before. Not only do our fortresses hide us, but they also protect us. I don't get hurt unless my facade is gone and there is something there worth hurting.

*****

Well, it has been several days since I last wrote. I guess not practicing has actually affected my writing; it has not come as easily as before. Oh well. I shall prevail.

*****

As much disjointed as it may seem, I think the previous topic has been thought of and dwelt on enough. As you may suppose, I have been subject to such tearing-downs and releases of fortresses, and though it is an experience I could well forgo, I am positive that it offers no end of good outcomes. One of these goodnesses, lest we can doubt them, is a propensity and a need to more completely rely on my Savior. I have been ever thrust upon Jesus and have, sometimes unwilling, been drawn to Him time and again. He has proven to be my ultimate and now only fortress. He has also proven to be completely trustworthy, reliable, loving, comforting, and all things good...things that I have known of but only experienced in part.

Overall my year has been a success, if only because it caused me to come to a deeper and more beautiful relationship with Christ. I have understood grace in ways that I could not even dream of understanding, I have learned things about myself and others that I could not have known otherwise, and I am coming to the slow and painful realization that I really am nothing, but Christ is my all.

Kind of following this theme, I have also learned that I am a very unwilling sheep. I tug and tug wanting to go back to the dross when there is gold in sight. I simply refuse that my dross is inferior, and have to literally be shoved away from it. I learn, but slowly.

These have been some observations and some of what has been happening recently. Other than that I have a few things random things to share.

The other day, my brother (who is seven) and I were "oot and aboot" waiting for my sister to be done with her piano lesson. We stopped at Dunkin' Donuts and my brother kindly opened both doors for me as we went in. I thought nothing of it, since he sometimes gets notions in his head to do stuff like that. However, as we went back out to the car, he stood by the driver's door. I expected him to want to get in that way, since he likes to do that sometimes, too. But he didn't, he just stood there, and when I unlocked it he opened it and stood there waiting for me to get in. He asked if I was all set and then he closed the door. He ran around to the other side and got in. I was touched by this early display of chivalry, an old art that has lost its sweetness and attractiveness. Chivalry surfaces now and again, especially in the churches and in Christian homes, but it is also often scorned. (As a side note, I personally am of the opinion that chivalry is too often confused with chauvinism, even as good parenting may be confused with honoring a child's every wish, and so on). I am so thankful that my parents have striven to raise a boy in the way he should grow. He has been taught manners and is being taught how to treat ladies. I am also thankful for all the parents who value chivalry and modesty (for women). Although we may not see a vast revival of these "old time" traditions, I am absolutely convinced that there are a great many men and women who take it upon themselves to teach and be taught these values, and to pass them on as much as possible to the next generation. To see such things being taught in one's home is truly special in this world, and no doubt many of you can concur with your own experiences.

Well, I didn't mean for that to be a social commentary, and maybe I am reading way too much into things, but these are some of the ways my thoughts wandered from that incident.

I am sorry for such a long post. To those who read this, thank you. I really appreciate your interest in my rambles of a poor college student who can't even write a blog post in a decent amount of time for lack of "practice." :-)

Have a blessed week!!

Goodbye

As I said goodbye, the tears in my heart were streaming forth, melting my soul, almost overflowing into reality. I put on my mask of happiness—perhaps a little stiff, most certainly well-worn and maybe a little transparent in spots. I never asked for this time to come. I was reluctant to say a word because that would signal the end…both of what was left of my mask and what was left of us. I don’t know why I did, but I stretched my hand out to meet yours and I clasped it tight, knowing that I might never have that privilege again. I looked into your eyes as my heart overflowed out of mine and over my cheeks and onto the tiled floor. Those beautiful eyes, which spoke of love and joy and contentment, yet which contained a sorrow that was too deep to know. Parting was good; it was right, yet so wrong. As your hand slowly slipped from mine, I turned to hide my face as my mask completely fell apart. One last look over my shoulder and you were gone forever. I felt crushed and alone. I was alone. There was no one to turn to. I ran to my Rock for comfort and love, and it was then that I realized that we will always be together at the cross…always. Even though we have parted ways, I will always meet you when we are falling face down at the feet of Christ, asking for the same forgiveness and blessings. Though we might never meet again in this form, we will meet again. The tears haven’t stopped flowing…my memory is racing with all the times we spent together…but I am resting; resting in truth, resting in love, resting in Christ. I love you; that won’t ever change. And, I am looking forward to when we shall meet again, be it here or be it in the heavenly realms. I miss you and I am praying for you.

*****

Yeah, that's a little cheesy, but it has been on my mind as I am having to say more goodbyes as I grow older. The more I know and the more places I've been, the more friends I've had to let go...the more family members I've had to leave behind...the more homes and comforts and niceties (sp?...wc?) I've had to forsake. Maybe that's a little dramatic, but I think it will only get worse and worse as I grow older. Leaving all of my amazing brothers and sisters in Christ from college was hard, just as leaving my loving and caring family here was hard. I wrote the above in response to a good friend who is leaving college and not coming back. I don't know if I'll ever get to see her again.

Anyway, I'm glad to be home on break and I am looking forward to seeing everyone again. And, just as an aside, I have been informed that "alright" is not a kosher form of the phrase "all right."

*****

O God Beyond All Praising

O God beyond all praising, we worship you today
And sing the love amazing that songs cannot repay;
For we can only wonder at every gift you send,
at blessings without number and mercies without end:
We lift our hearts before you and wait upon your word,
We honor and adore you, our great and mighty Lord.

Then hear, O gracious Savior, accept the love we bring,
That we who know your favor may serve you as our King;
And whether our tomorrows be filled with good or ill,
We'll trumph through our sorrows and rise to bless you still:
To marvel at your beauty and glory in your ways,
And make a joyful duty our sacrifice of praise.

Michael Perry, 1982

Alright...

Hey! So I'm coming home on the 12th, so after that hopefully I will have an update for "ya'll"...I'm really excited to go back home!!!!!!

Hey There!

So, I know it has been awhile since writing, but I guess time kind of gets away like that when in school. I've been doing well for the most part and I have been having a blast at college. Honestly, I am so happy with school and life right now. I just miss my family and friends back home. Other than that, though, it's great!! God has been so good to me. He obviously knows what He is doing in my life and He has been so good to show me the goodness in His plan so far. Anyway, hopefully when I have something more profound to share, I will.

Hello!

Just a quick update for everyone...

Things are going great down here!! I love college and I am learning tons about both the various subjects and about myself. I've made a lot of good friends, too. It is so cool to be in a Christian environment and to have Christian teachers who put God first in their lives.

Prayer Requests:

1. Please pray that I would be a good steward of my body and of my time. I think that I am doing okay in both of those areas, but it would be so easy to make bad choices.
2. Also, my computer is sick right now and needs help. I think the problem will be solved very shortly, but it has definitely been a way to learn trust and patience.
3. Lastly, pray for me that I would become less prideful and more compassionate. I think that right now my compassion stems from pride. That's not right.

Thank you so much! I miss everyone and look forward to Christmas break.